I don’t know what’s going to happen from here but I don’t really care or mind too much. I’m trying not to take this seriously. I’m trying to be chill about it and for the most part, I am quite chill. I’m not too worried about this or trying to cage him. I’m just enjoying the moments I have with him.
I just feel so comfortable with him. It’s probably because we started out as friends first. I never was attracted to him at first sight. Never have I ever thought about getting with him when we were first friends. I just saw him as a nerdy, smart older brother.
Then, we got closer in our friendship. I started to notice him because I began to discover the real him. His flaws, his good traits, and everything. I admit half of his personality gets on my nerves and the other half I do like. I find myself loving and hating him at the same time.
For some time, we got pretty physical and I decided to put an end to it. I developed feelings and I knew he didn’t feel the same. I didn’t want to put any pressure on him since he was dealing with so many other issues. So for about a month, we hardly talked. When we picked up again, he was more stable but still had quite a few things going on. Of course, it was awkward at first but we quickly became good friends again. Our bond became closer. It got to the point in which he hates me but in a caring way. If I went away, he would miss me, according to him.
I like how I can be myself with him. I can be weird and not worry about having to look “pretty” or “cool.” I like how we can do the most boring things like homework together or running errands all day and it doesn’t feel awkward or annoying. I don’t mind it. I like how we can be mean to each other but know deep down inside, we truly care for each other. I like how we can be honest with each other. He can tell me I’m annoying the shit out of him and I can tell him when he’s being an asshole. We’re not mushy or lovey dove or anything. I like how he’s always there for me as a friend.
I think we have a pretty good foundation as friends and that’s why it seems to work. That’s why I’m not head over heals crazy about him. I’m chill about it. Yeah, I like him and I do get squeamish and happy and girly but I’m not trying to cage him into a serious relationship. I understand his situation and I understand mine and ours. He’s going to be here for at least one or two more semesters and then transfer. He’s still in love with his ex girlfriend of seven years. That’s understandable. I’m fine with that. I’m not going to stress or worry over it. I’m just going to enjoy the ride. I’ve been in a long term relationship before and I know it takes time to get over the person. What he needs right now is a friend and I can be that. If we happen to date, cool. If we don’t, cool. I know that we can remain friends no matter what. I’m just happy that I like him and he likes me. I’m happy that we can be good friends and spend time together and it’s not awkward or pressuring.
I never fell for his looks. This is the first time too.
I fell for his personality and our friendship. The looks was just a plus.